I bet he comes in French.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
God I need to hump something, right now.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize