I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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