it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
