mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
