I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
