Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
