Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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