did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
