So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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