Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
