my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
