he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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