I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
