Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
