It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
