hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
