fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
