ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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