He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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