Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
