My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize