I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
