I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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