Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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