After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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