Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
