She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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