No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
