Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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