I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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