Already got asked if we're dating
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
