She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
