Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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