Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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