I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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