9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
