Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
