I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize