so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
