dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize