Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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