i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
