Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations

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(845): View more from New York

my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe

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(309): View more from Illinois

they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.

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(248): View more from Michigan

There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."

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(860): View more from Connecticut

at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom

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(256): View more from Alabama

I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.

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(712): View more from Iowa

That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"

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(240): View more from Maryland

Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.

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