I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
