Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize