im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
