I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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