so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
