WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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