I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
