upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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