I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
