But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
