Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
