Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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