i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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