sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
God, I missed his penis.
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