9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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