I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
