My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize