I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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