I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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