somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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