I smell stomach acid.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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