benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
