He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
