Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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