its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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